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The results of a diagnostic test given to premedical students who were instructed to write short meanings for a list of medical terms

artery, the study of paintings.

bacteria, the back door of a cafeteria.

barium, what doctors do when patients die.

bowel, a letter like a, e, i, o, or u.

caesarean section, a neighborhood in Rome.

cat scan, searching for a lost cat.

cauterize, making eye-contact with a girl.

coma, a punctuation mark.

dilate, to live a long time.

enema, not a friend .

euthanasia, Chinese, Japanese, etc. adolescents.

fester, quicker.

fibula, a small lie.

genital, not a Jew.

hangnail, a coat hook.

impotent, distinguished, well known.

labor pain, getting hurt at work.

malfeasance, exorbitant charges for professional services.

medical staff, a doctor’s cane.

morbid, a higher offer.

nitrates, cheaper than day rates.

node, was aware of, knew.

nosography

1. The art of writing using a pen or pencil stuck up one’s nose.

2. The writing done by a nasograph.

outpatient, someone who has fainted.

pap smear, a fatherhood test.

pelvis, a cousin of Elvis.

prophylactic, a person who favors birth control.

recovery room, place to do upholstery.

rectum, dang near killed ‘em.

secretion, hiding something.

seizure, famous Roman leader.

tablet, a small table.

terminal illness, getting sick at the airport.

tumor, more than one.

urine, opposite of “you’re out”.

vein, conceited.

—Source is unknown