Definitions in Deviant and Comical Format

(lexicomedy, linguicomedy, or a chuckleglossary consisting of definitions which are markedly different from the accepted dictionary norm)

Just as biology and chemistry join in biochemistry to reveal new unifying processes, so language and humor join in linguicomedy to reveal unexpected similarities.

—Evan Esar in his Humorous English;
Horizon Press; New York; 1961; page 16.
biology
The study of anything that comes in twos.
book
A diversion used to pass the time while waiting for the computer repairman to come.
bore
Anyone who is here today and here tomorrow.
bulldozer
A sleeping bull is a bulldozer.
career girl
Someone who prefers plots and plans to pots and pans.
carnation
A country where everyone owns a car.
cauterize
1. What happened when a guy made eye contact with a woman.
2. When a young man makes eye-contact with a girl.
chickens
The only animals that can be eaten before they are born and after they are dead.
circle
A round straight line with a hole in it.
coffee
1. A person upon whom someone coughs.
2. Break fluid.
committee
A group of people who keep minutes and waste hours.
conceit
A form of I-strain.
condescend
A prisoner escaping down the wall of a prison using a rope.
Congress
The opposite of progress.
consciousness
That annoying time between naps

Go to the Fun with Words index to see more unusual lists of words.

You may also enjoy the Medical Terms from a Different Perspective index.