Definitions in Deviant and Comical Format
(lexicomedy, linguicomedy, or a chuckleglossary consisting of definitions which are markedly different from the accepted dictionary norm)
Just as biology and chemistry join in biochemistry to reveal new unifying processes, so language and humor join in linguicomedy to reveal unexpected similarities.
a
1. A letter that's always written in haste.
2. The alpha of the alphabet.
3. Something present in each day, yet absent from every morning, noon, and night.
2. The alpha of the alphabet.
3. Something present in each day, yet absent from every morning, noon, and night.
acquaintance
A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
acre
A person who is in pain.
adolescence
A period when teenagers feel that they will never be as ignorant as their parents.
adult
1. A person who has stopped growing except in the middle.
2. Someone who has stopped growing vertically and now has a tendency to grow horizontally.
2. Someone who has stopped growing vertically and now has a tendency to grow horizontally.
advertising
The science of influencing the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
advice
1. Talking to someone whose mind is already made up.
2. A drug in the market in which the supply always exceeds the demand.
2. A drug in the market in which the supply always exceeds the demand.
autobiography
A history of cars.
bacteria
The back door of a cafeteria.
balderdash
A rapidly receding hairline.
bargain
Something you cannot use at a price you cannot resist.
barium
Funeral arrangements made by doctors when patients die.
Beauty Parlor
A place where women curl up and dye.
belong
To take one’s time.
benign
What a person becomes after he or she is eight.
